If I am being perfectly honest the Instagram pictures are my life highlights. Sometimes on my bad days, I find an old, but happy picture and post that because I don’t want to bring someone down with my not so happy, fake smile, no shine in my eyes. I think often as women especially as black women we are taught to be on and push through. For many years, I often felt like I did not have the safe space to just be real with what I’m dealing with. I feel like I spent so much of my life pushing through that I never had the time to just experience and process what I was going through and how I feel. Yes, I am a strong black woman who is serving her country and community and raising two kids, but unfortunately I had to do this while experiencing some hard things in life from domestic violence, divorce, cheating, and really just being a black woman in corporate america.
So it gets to a certain point that you can no longer push through because I as a black woman sometimes feel I have nothing left because I give abundantly to everything to include my country, community, my kids, my family, my friends, the men I love, and even strangers. However, there were times I would cry because there comes a point where there is no push through and the feelings bubble to a point where there are no more fake “ons” and smiles. I was forced to find my safe space and that is my therapist, but one time I got criticism from a family member that I am using it as a crutch because I am the strongest person they know. However, strong people get weak and to me it’s strength to know you need help walking and help to push through and therapy for me is that.
I am a believer of Jesus Christ, and I believe that he would be an advocate for counseling because he counseled so many on his time on Earth. When I was in Israel I stared at the steps Jesus stood on in front of crowds and I thought of the woman with the issue of blood who pushed through the crowd to the healer and counselor because she had no more push through on her own. She was tired and knew she needed help. There is strength in knowing when you need help, need to cry, need to just feel okay that you aren’t okay.
I wish I didn’t need my therapists as a crutch, but this strong black woman like so many of my sisters are in need are crutches because we will not suffer in silence. I am thankful for my sister Mimi, my therapist, who is my crutch as I traverse my healing journey because sometimes we need help as we are pushing through life. To anyone reading this, it’s okay to have a bad day and sometimes we need crutches such as therapy or even medication to help us along our journey to heal.